Flip the switch. I have blown the breaker to my studio twice this week already. Doing too much at one time. But perhaps things are starting to work!?! At least in this moment and according to many, that is all I've got.
I am a lazy painter today. Today, I just apply paint and I don't know why. I don't have a particular affinity towards the colors I am using. I don't know what I am doing.
paint on, blot off, more paint on, rub off, sit down look away. music on, music off, surf the internet hope for inspiration. forget the plan, forget the concept, time marches on. i am hungry but here I am I want to paint I want it to be good I don't want to waste time or materials. I don't want to learn, I want to accomplish more than another dirty painting that needs scrubbing away. Frustration. Yes, I know I should walk away. Yes, I know I should probably stick with what works. why am I making it hard on myself. where did the fire go? That fuel that propels me a long is so hit and miss. here today gone tomorrow, to return next week. I want to paint.. I really do. But I hate painting like this.
You are just passing through and observing and I am just making note of my mind in this instant which is sure to change in the next minute or hour and I will begin again.
"Beyond the edge of the world there's a space where emptiness and substance neatly overlap, where past and future form a continuous, endless loop. And hovering about there are signs no one has ever read, chords no one has ever heard."
When I was much younger I had fantasies of walking down abandoned railroad tracks drinking a beer and looking at the moon. I also had visions of driving a red car into the middle of the desert in the hot sun. In these music video like fantasies I was always alone and content.
Some days I would like to throw it all onto the fire...
