Pretend you didn't read this

and don't acknowledge it... I mean it..

I am a lazy painter today.
Today, I just apply paint and I don't know why.
I don't have a particular affinity towards the colors I am using. I don't know what I am doing.

paint on, blot off, more paint on, rub off, sit down look away.
music on, music off, surf the internet hope for inspiration.
forget the plan, forget the concept, time marches on.
i am hungry
but here I am
I want to paint
I want it to be good
I don't want to waste time or materials.
I don't want to learn, I want to accomplish
more than another dirty painting that needs scrubbing away.
Frustration. Yes, I know I should walk away.
Yes, I know I should probably stick with what works.
why am I making it hard on myself.
where did the fire go?
That fuel that propels me a long is so hit and miss.
here today gone tomorrow, to return next week.
I want to paint.. I really do. But I hate painting like this.

You are just passing through and observing and I am just making note of my mind in this instant which is sure to change in the next minute or hour and I will begin again.

Silencio...