I need this...

"...This film is on
On a maddening loop
These clothes
These clothes don't fit us right
I'm to blame
It's all the same..."

slow giants

ice covered trees
lumber in the wind
like slow giants

cracking, bending, breaking
falling apart around me
taking my nerves for a ride

green flashes in the sky
frozen transformers erupt
as they explode
they drone

I pace by windows
I cover my ears

Lets not talk of such things...

the tree tops resting on the roof
that bend down to look at me through the glass door
the dark silent house that waits
the batteries on the kitchen counter that have run down
and the candles and the fire wood that I don't have
Sh...

2:37 a.m.

wide awake
under a yard sale blanket
on a hand me down couch
in a five year old sweater

caught between the disconnect
in the silence of this night's ice.

Evaporate into sound...(I'd like to)

That's why they call it art...

This too will vanish

3am, sometimes 2:52 in preparation (so it won't come as a shock)
She comes round again
These days I try to shut my eyes tight and forget
My body heavy like cement unmoving
My brain sparking fires
Thousands at a time
Trapped within
I know what I should do
but I don't

Standing on the shoulders of giants

ocean of noise

Sometimes it doesn't even look like you...

There was a party last night. The kind where I got to go back in time.
I got to dance and sing and wear my old clothes and remember myself...

This isn't about art

it might be about living...

I wish I was in that movie where I just wake up and suddenly come alive.

It's that scene where the lead has decided they have had enough of their current situation and they somehow have the power to rise above and start taking action.

If they were stuck at a dead end job they leave it or they suddenly are kicking ass and taking names and every one notices and they make their job amazing for themselves and finally get the respect they deserve.Or the dowdy unhappy girl with no friends suddenly becomes the knock out and has more friends and admirers than she knows what to do with..

That is how those movies usually end, but the part I really like is when they are home alone making the changes to get them there. Suddenly they have this drive and they are moving forward and making things happen, and we watch the fragile transition and we cheer for them just a little.

Like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty (yes- that turned out badly), but before then he quits his job, starts working out, smoking weed and having a fantastic time coming back to life(until the unfortunate end).

Sometimes I just wish there was that camera there, and the audience watching as I come back to life.

A very detached eye...

scanned proof and notes from photography class 1999 Oregon.

I want to create a world of filth, but this filth is very beautiful in the volumes it speaks. I want to fill in the gaps and tell more of this grey world of lost and frozen time.

It's now 2009 and I still want to do this.

caught here

Now in this space
Things are done but not quite.
Things need my attention but I have none to give.
I want to keep working but I stop frozen.

It is bone chilling cold and I feel so strongly
I feel like making something
but I am too frozen
to move forward just yet.

I hear songs, see photographs, and I look at my hands.
They want to move, they want to make, they want to thaw.

this (mostly) secret place

What started out as a place to keep track of my inspirations for fire and noise has turned into another project all together. Still fewer words and more images, always of inspirations or past remembrances. The Supplemental has morphed into a much needed outlet for finding my way again. I am always excited to visit this place. Some people know about this and many more don't and that is how I like it.I don't reply to comments as regularly here, because I like to fade away into the background a bit more but please know that I love sharing this place with you and your comments are always appreciated even when not directly acknowledged.

and now it is time for me to fade away again...
thank you.

self absorption studies

So I said come I'll show you my staples.I took the girls into the bathroom to look at the blood crusted metal. I was a star.

Of course I had my zebra sweatshirt on. We were getting ready to drive home and leave grandma in Little Rock. I was feeling sick, just worried about the trip home.
I looked bad.
I remember having the snap shot made at the kitchen table with my mom in her borrowed floral robe. My friendship pin gleaming.
I almost got sick.
Then we drove and when we stopped for gas at the station, I had a hard time moving.

Foggy voices telling me to come out
telling me to "squeeze my thumb"
"come on you can-oh goodness you're strong"

Ice chips followed...

What else is there...

"flashlights, nightmares and sudden explosions..."
-Royksopp-What else is there..

All I Ever Wanted...

Then the fear grips me and I wonder what have I done?

6:52a.m.

"Unimpeded by other schemes, this hint of things to come takes time to expand in the new morning light, and we attempt to watch it unobtrusively, with deep concentration. The night has begun to open up at last. There will be time until the next darkness arrives..."

After Dark by Haruki Murakami

Strange arrangements

I awake at the same time each night
In a dark room with ruby red carpet
I look across the floor and there they are again
They are pale, almost as if in white gloves
The hands.
They hover just over the floor
I don't cry, I just watch
As they make strange arrangements in the dark
Am I dreaming?
No.
Every night like clockwork motioning to me
In a dark room with ruby red carpet

She talks to rainbows...

There was nothing she could do about the visions as they came at her on all sides. She could only accept them and the ringing in her ears...

one of those mornings...

focus and just paint
focus and just paint
focus and just paint

just paint...

and while waiting for the paint to dry, I enjoy the inky morning eastern sky...

Interupting all programs...

Radio Radio...

these hands...

I do battle with these hands
and watch them turn into
monsters.

"Live for the future, long for the past..."

oh this world, oh these colors...
I want this.

New Day Rising...

I am in the studio on the first day of 2009...
to collect sounds.